Your Sexuality Belongs to Jesus ~ By Megan Cox

I could go the rest of my life without having sex. In fact, I abhor it. I don’t ever want to be touched again; I don’t want to do anything except ball up in bed and surround myself with pillows. I want to feel safe in my bed.

I listened as this amazing woman shared her sexual aversion with me. She never wants to remarry. She never wants to meet another man or have anything to do with men again, actually. It makes her skin crawl. Clearly, this is common with the women to whom we minister. And I don’t blame them. When she finished telling me about what sex was like in her first marriage, I asked her, “Have you ever given your sexuality to Jesus?”

She looked away and her face got hot. I could see tears stinging her eyes. She paused and then turned back to me, angrily . . . “I’m not going back to him. I’m not giving him my body ever again.” I was stunned. But, I understood. I remember the connection I made between God and my husband — the unhealthy connection. I said it again, “No, that’s not what I asked. I asked if you had ever given JESUS your sexuality.” She looked confused. I knew exactly what was confusing her. I spoke again, “Giving Jesus your sexuality is not equivalent to giving a man your sexuality.” She stared at me for a moment, gaining clarity. Her mind was racing. I took a moment and then I went further, “Your husband is not God.” I watched as, right in that moment, she began to untangle her sexuality from spiritual abuse. She was literally creating a new pathway in her mind that was separate from what she had been told over and over.

I remembered . . . I remembered the degradation of sexual and spiritual abuse, all inter-twined like dark threads around my heart. Before I found freedom and healing, I equated Jesus being Lord of my life — my entire life and all aspects of it — with giving my body to my abusive husband to fulfill his lustful and pornographic desires. There was a paradigm and a culture in my home and in my church that said, “If you surrender to Jesus, that means you are surrendering to your husband.” That, my friends, is putting your husband in the place where Jesus rightfully belongs. We naturally assume, because of faulty teachings in the church, that surrendering our sexuality to Jesus means God is then going to ask us to give our bodies to our husbands as though that is what God wants.

Let me make something very clear: Giving our bodies to our abusive husbands may not be what God is asking of us. Even clearer: God cares about you, sister, more than he cares about your husband using your body over and over. He has NEVER asked you to compromise your dignity, sexually, for the twisted satisfaction of your husband.

When I gave my sexuality to Jesus, He was direct, “Megan, I want to heal this part of you.” That’s what happened. He never once said, “I now want you to give yourself, like a prostitute, to your husband.” For those who do not know this, women in sexually abusive relationships feel like prostitutes. He provides money for a woman and her babies; she provides the sex. It’s horrible. It’s treacherous; it’s evil.

So, when I ask our mamas to give their sexuality to Jesus, they can be assured that they are putting it in safe, scarred, powerful and beautiful hands. Jesus is gentle. His yoke is light. He is in the business of being the Wonderful Counselor, Healer and Comforter of our souls. He does not look at you, precious and beloved daughter of the King, point His finger and say, “Go do what your husband demands.” Oh, no . . . that is not in line with His character. He always looks at us and says, “I want to heal that broken part of you because I care deeply about every. single. part of you.”

So, sister . . . cut that connection and open your heart to actual and true healing of Jesus without all of the shackles. Separate that part of your brain that links giving your heart to Jesus with allowing abuse in your life. That is NOT His plan. Give your sexuality to Jesus and let Him do with it what He will. You can trust Him, even though you could not trust your husband. Because Jesus is not your abusive husband. And watch what He does. I don’t know what He will do but I can promise you He will not ask you to subject yourself to abuse. It’s just you and Him, baby. And, even if you cannot trust anyone else in the world right now, you can trust the Lover of your Soul.



Megan is Founder and Executive Director of Give Her Wings. She carries a Masters in Pastoral Counseling and is certified in Crisis Response with the AACC. She has also recently finished her CPE Unit 1 training. 

13 Replies to “Your Sexuality Belongs to Jesus ~ By Megan Cox”

  1. This is so true, Megan…..“For those who do not know this, women in sexually abusive relationships feel like prostitutes. He provides money for a woman and her babies; she provides the sex. It’s horrible. It’s treacherous; it’s evil.”
    I often said that to my ex….”Why don’t you just leave $100.00 on the nightstand. That’s the way you make me feel.” He would laugh. He. Would. LAUGH. That is evil.

    1. The first step might be to make a plan with someone you trust. It might also be to seek out a domestic violence shelter.
      Then again I truly feel like you just took the first step by allowing yourself to reach out with your comment. ♥️🦋

    2. Oh, I feel for you. I am as well. But, I’ve learned so much concerning abuse. You have a voice. You have a right. Sex is not supposed to make us feel dirty and like a prostitute.
      I pray you can get away from being made to feel like you have to, if love and respect aren’t there. I did. I don’t know your situation. I pray for you, that God will give you the way out of sexual abuse.

    3. Mary is right. You just took the first step. Well done – that must have taken courage. The second step could be telling someone in person, but it needs to be someone who will treat it seriously, rather than try to push it under the carpet and pretend like it’s nothing. Someone who will hear what you’re saying. If not a friend, then someone professional, who works with women in these situations. May God give you the strength. xx

  2. This is so very necessary. Thank you so much for being brave enough to speak the truth into difficult, hot and controversial subjects. You were right on point and I so needed this today. I have a serious trust issue when it comes to men due to my x. He used to tell me I had issues with sex: I came to realize, it wasn’t sex I had an issue with, I didn’t like being used. I wasn’t “allowed” to say no. Serious guilt trips would follow. He believed he owned me and I owed him because it was his right and “need”. PLEASE keep speaking truth into the area of what true biblical marriage and relationships should look like.

  3. I understand what surrendering my sexuality to Jesus is NOT, and I deeply appreciate your reassurance here, but can you explain in more detail what surrendering one’s sexuality IS for one who has been abused and traumatized by her husband? To the degree I have understood the Spirit’s leading according to Biblical principles, I’ve surrendered my life to Him, but what does it mean to specifically surrender my sexuality to Jesus? Will pain and trauma no longer be experienced when those memories resurface?

  4. When I found porn on our computer the first time, I set out in my heart to make sure he never wanted again. He made me feel like a warm wet hole. In the end, when I finally started not having sex with him, I woke up to him touching me despite my protest. He even said that it was my fault. That I was the reason he resorted to sexually assaulting me in my sleep.

    When I look at our six children, I know they were conceived in fear. When I write the check for child support because he gained primary custody of them, I despair.

    I want to just walk away…. To disappear. To start all over as if it never happened.

    But I won’t.

  5. What about women stuck in marriages with no love and affection or sex. Most blogs deal with abusive husbands who abuse their wives bodies for their own twisted desires. But what about cases where the husband neglects his wife completely and goes off sex leaving the wife cheated and defrauded, whilst the husband satisfies himself with porn and affairs..

    1. I understand. This too is abuse Precious One…the cycles and the tactics change, but nevertheless, it’s abuse.

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